The Language of Waiting
There are many moving parts to waiting. Even while a vigil occurs, similar to an ongoing release into unknowing, our human parts are constantly communicating. Today I want to attend to the human parts, to let them know I Am aware of how this edge of waiting expresses.
We all have experienced the mind that unhinges at that edge: doubting that waiting can be a helpful incubation of what we crave, we may relentlessly criticize our choices. Criticism sets us up for a derailing of faith. Inner wars are waged, and rage. I have found that long seasons of waiting open the door to really seeing the face of our inner critic/judge, often a parent. Most of us can access who or what created the inner critic. Once we begin to see how debilitating it is to be at its (tired) mercy, we might choose to listen to a deeper, still small voice. So in this way it is a time of learning. The mind can be so very tired of expressing its autopilot litanies. I have seen it gratefully let moments of guidance in through its exhaustion. As the mental body purifies through long vigil, it comes to permit us to see and hear deeper directional promptings.
The emotional body can express through fear, anger, grief, shame and a deep-seated loneliness as long phases of waiting progress. If it isn't obvious, I have been immersed in a long phase of waiting. There is fear and all that rises up with fear: you get to insert your own language here. I insert remorse, sadness, frustration, relentless mental projections onto the future. Here, too, awareness and validation of what rises permits the feelings themselves to be steeped in a compassion balm. It is a spiritual process, after all. Feelings that have lived in lower-end frequencies seem to always rise up to be received by Love. And as these feelings are purified through long periods of waiting, they take their place in us as means to locate ourSelves. This 'place' feels like one of the long lost secrets that we find ourselves restoring to consciousness.
Does the body remember the bliss of deep rest states? I wonder. Waiting can be offered to the healing needs of our physical forms. The innate intelligence of our forms, resonant with the earth's own intelligence might re-set in ways we have yet to language.
These are the things I tell myself. When we emerge from the need to learn by contrast, our language will include the kindness of the feminine: allowing, returning, remembering. The love released into our beings through the restoration and inclusion of feminine language will first mitigate, then end the wars. Those of us on this path of remembering are the builders of the incoming era. Perhaps all this waiting permits the ground of the dreamer within a place of respect and power.
so much love.